Listen up, space pugs. I’ve had a long chat with Dr Ted and we’ve put a guide to space in 2022 together. This is the first instalment so pay attention.

Major Ron under cover

First up is… THE INTERGALACTIC TELESCOPE

Over the Christmas period (I got socks mostly, if you must know), The James Webb Space Telescope (named after the man who ran NASA when people first landed on the Moon in 1961) was launched into space and it has now successfully opened its massive sun shield.

The shield, which is the size of a tennis court, was unveiled using motorised pulleys and cables. Talking of tennis courts, Dr Ted and myself are no strangers to the second serve ourselves and we play whenever we have a stop over in space. We’ve even played mixed doubles with Lieutenant Lola and Taser though we can never get them to concentrate as they think the word ‘love’ meaning zero in tennis, is hysterically funny somehow.

Anyway, the telescope will be using state of the art infrared technology to learn more about the history of outer space, examining how galaxies and stars formed millions of years ago. I’ve spoken to the commander of this operation and he assures me that the JWST will teach us lots of things about the universe we call home.

Lieutenant Lola thinks it looks like a giant floating cornflake but she’s quite wrong. It isn’t. It’s science.

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FROM SHETLAND TO THE COSMOS!

I went on a whisky and walking holiday to the Shetland Islands not too long ago. The trouble was we went to the whisky distillery before we went walking and Lieutenant Lola was so tipsy she invited several complete strangers – who she now referred to as her ‘special mates’ – round to the USS Weiner for Christmas dinner.

It doesn’t seem to have had a damaging effect on the island though, because they’re now planning to launch space rockets from the islands. Now, we’ve never had a space rocket launch from the UK before (we have to go to Florida in the USA to launch the Weiner) so this is quite the big deal.

It’s all the sterling work of a spaceport company called Saxavord, who describe themselves as an intergalactic equivalent of an airport. They tell me that they’re working with a number of companies who are hoping to blast off to space from the island north of Scotland in 2022. We have already offered our astronaut services and left our number. Strangely, it hasn’t rung yet.

That’s it for this week. Tune again next week when I’ll be giving that upstart Elon Musk what for and revealing what NASA have got up their sleeves for 2022. In the meantime, keep looking at the skies, pugsters.

Woof.

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